I got a metaphor:
You know those gas-station quality pastries that are like 80% processed grain/sugar product and about 20% preservatives? You ever been like, damn, I want a doughnut, and you bought some? And then you ate one and though you knew very well that this was quite far from a well-made quality doughnut, it was nevertheless delicious? And somehow in an embarrassingly short while the whole box is gone? And it was awful but SO GOOD?
That's what this book is like. With Shakespeare flavored sprinkles, and special bonus super-awkward sex scenes (metaphorically I think that's either frosting or cream filling...ew what is wrong with me!)
I got a list:
WORDS THAT MAKE ME NEITHER HOT NOR BOTHERED NOR INVESTED IN VAMPIRE SEX
-pulse (unless there are lasers)
-suckle
and especially, -lave
Awesome, awesome, awesome. I want a sequel. More crack, please!